What is Personal Power?

Personal power comes from self-awareness, confidence, and the ability to draw others in with charisma or wisdom.

It is recognising your ability to influence the behaviour of others, regardless of holding a position of authority.

I noticed my two-year-old niece doing this with ease, as she dished out the orders and had all the adults at our family BBQ doing exactly what she wanted.

In my head, I was like ‘You Go Girl’ this was personal power personified. She knew exactly who was running the show!

Yet, I pondered how many of us can embrace our personal power like this in professional settings, especially where our contributions have consistently been ignored or undervalued.

And, instead of feeling empowered and really going for it, we are downtrodden or limited by the lack of control or autonomy in our work environments?

Understanding Power Dynamics

Power dynamics in the workplace refers to how power is distributed and exercised among individuals and groups.

Power can stem from various sources including formal authority, expertise, relationships, and control of resources.

The distribution of power impacts interactions, autonomy in decision-making, career growth opportunities and the overall work environment.

In a toxic workplace culture, power is rarely equitable and often favours the dominant or popular culture within the organisation. Hence, probably why we see the same people, so often being promoted.

For example, women make up a staggering 68% of the HR workforce globally.

The overwhelming majority of HR professionals fall within the 20-40 age range and are predominantly white.

This lack of diversity within HR raises critical concerns about visibility, accessibility, and representation, especially at senior levels.

Understanding these power dynamics at play and learning how to navigate them is crucial, especially for Black women, who may often be the casualties of debilitating power plays.

7 Of The Most Common Power Plays & Why This Can Be So Debilitating

Your personal power will always come from your skills, knowledge, relationships, personal qualities, achievements, and resources and are often deeply influenced by one’s race, gender, or intersectional identities.

Your experiences of power are often shaped by previous life experiences and some of the challenges you have faced, being both invisible or hyper-visible can be extremely debilitating when navigating power plays

This week at Kinship, as an intersectional group of women we explored some of the following power plays, which have been debilitating, impacting the mental health and wellbeing of many, especially Black women

I am sure many reading this will relate to these:

• Copying your boss into your emails…….as if this is going to make you respond differently
• Don’t invite you to the meetings or events that you need to attend, making you feel unimportant or excluded.
• The Monitor who tries to supervise your work, even though they aren’t your boss and you haven’t asked for their support. They invade your space without permission!
• Frame your work as their ownand give you zero credit, not even a name check 🙄
• Bureaucratic Gamesmanship; includes using policies and procedures to slow things down or force others to comply, anyone with a public sector background can definitely relate!!!!
• Bread Crumbing; Not giving you the full project or feeding you bits, so you are constantly dependent on them for the next bit, not allowing you to manage your time or deliver the project how you would like to
• Gaslighting; when you have called out this behaviour or raised it as an issue, you are the one with the problem and everything becomes your fault.

How to stay calm and respond strategically (without losing your mind or integrity)

Just to note, it’s often challenging to stay calm or think strategically during a toxic crisis. It’s completely normal to feel sad, irritated, depressed, or angry in these situations.

In fact, it’s common to enter survival mode, mentally running through the checklist in your head, imagining possible scenarios, and trying to respond appropriately, all while attempting to mask your true feelings.

But don’t criticise yourself for not handling everything perfectly. Remember, you are human, not a robot!

By understanding the sources and manifestations of power, you can explore other options to help you stay calm and maintain your integrity during these tough moments;

1. Personal Branding:

For Black women and those representing diverse backgrounds or intersectional identities, establishing a strong personal brand is essential. Demonstrating expertise and value through personal branding, whether on independent platforms or supplementary to your job, is crucial. This brand becomes your narrative, allowing you to share your expertise and control your personal power.

2. Handling Conflicts Constructively:

Inviting others to share their thoughts first can give you valuable time to formulate a constructive response. Staying calm and acknowledging your emotions, especially during triggering conflicts, is important. Validate your feelings rather than suppress them. You have the power to choose your response, and if you need more time, speaking last can give you the space to process. If you feel threatened or psychologically unsafe, never hesitate to remove yourself from the situation. Taking a break, even if it means leaving the room, is a valid option. There have been times when I’ve left meetings, had a moment to cry and pray in the toilet, and then returned to continue (like a superwoman, perfectionist!)

3. Recognising When Resolution is Not Possible:

Clearly expressing your needs and boundaries is vital, but it’s also important to recognise when a situation is beyond resolution. While being mindful of legitimate power, which can create a climate of fear due to the potential for punishment and threats, sometimes being assertive means understanding when to walk away. This is a No 1 strategic move to protect your mental and physical health.

4. Flow and Find Connection:

One of the most effective, though often unpopular, responses to power plays at work is to flow with the situation instead of fighting against it. Showing empathy, understanding, and acknowledging the feelings and perspectives of others is crucial. Go out of your way to be kind, ask how they are doing, and show genuine interest in their well-being. Often, those who try to dominate others are themselves hurt and broken, using control as their only strategy in challenging situations. By showing empathy, you can sometimes defuse their need to dominate. PS This doesn’t mean you should be a good girl or put up with it!!

5. Standing Your Ground:

Knowing your limits is key to avoiding burnout. Setting and communicating clear boundaries is essential. Effectively communicating these boundaries, while being aware of how power dynamics might impact the process, helps you use your power positively. If necessary, call out inappropriate behaviour and walk away. Remember, you are not responsible for others’ responses; their reactions are their own responsibility.

I would love to give the women in your organisation access to Kinship, so they don’t go home each night on empty.

Organisations, you bear the responsibility of creating structures and cultures that minimise negative power plays and promote fairness and transparency.

If you are considering alternative approaches to a more harmonious and productive workplace.

As professionals, it’s important to take a moment to reflect on how we are truly feeling in our work environments. Are we making a positive impact? Are we able to handle emotional challenges with ease? Are we feeling overwhelmed or burnt out?

Recognising these signs of burnout is crucial for our own well-being and the success of our teams. It’s okay to admit when things feel like too much and seek support.

Your mental health and overall well-being are important. To further explore these topics and assess your current situation, take this Burnout assessment here