Why the Wrong People Keep Winning

International Women’s Day is a time to celebrate the achievements of women, but it’s also an opportunity to reflect on the systemic barriers that continue to hold women back.

One of the most frustrating realities that many high-achieving women face is the exhausting demand to constantly prove themselves, while mediocrity—especially in men—is often accepted, tolerated, even rewarded.

Time and time again, women who are highly skilled and exceptionally qualified find themselves overlooked, while men with half the ability, but twice the confidence rise to leadership positions.

There’s a painful truth about success in the workplace: confidence often trumps competence. Why does this happen, and what can women do to ensure their brilliance is seen and rewarded?

Excellence is Demanded, Mediocrity is Excused

Research has shown that men are more likely to apply for roles they are under qualified for, while women hesitate unless they meet nearly every requirement.

Women are socialised to believe that their work should speak for itself—but in reality, self-promotion, visibility, and strategic positioning are often more influential than talent alone.

This isn’t just about imposter syndrome; it’s about a system that has conditioned women to doubt themselves while encouraging men to take risks.

The result? Mediocre men confidently lead, while highly competent women second-guess their capabilities.

Consider this: when a woman is excellent at her job, it’s expected. When she makes a mistake, it’s scrutinised. Meanwhile, men who perform at a mediocre level often still advance, benefiting from confidence rather than competence.

Women, particularly women of colour, are held to even more impossibly high standard.

The “prove it again”bias means that women have to demonstrate their competence repeatedly, while their male counterparts are often given the benefit of the doubt.

Studies have shown that women are judged more harshly for mistakes, while men are more easily forgiven for theirs.

The Unfair Emotional and Mental Load of Excellence

Being excellent isn’t just about the work itself—it’s about carrying the weight of expectations, biases, and responsibilities that others don’t have to shoulder.

When women do assert themselves, they often face a double standard.

Confidence in men is seen as leadership potential, while confidence in women is often perceived as arrogance or aggression.

This leads to the classic “likeability trap,” where women feel they must balance being competent without appearing too ambitious or assertive.

The result? Many women subconsciously tone themselves down, speak less in meetings, avoid taking credit for their work, and wait for recognition instead of claiming it. Meanwhile, their male colleagues boldly take up space, secure promotions, and advance in their careers without hesitation.

Women will often find themselves:

• Over-mentored and under-promoted: While men are given opportunities based on potential, women are expected to have proven results before being considered
• Expected to do invisible labour: Women frequently take on unpaid emotional work—mentoring colleagues, organising events, handling office culture issues—while men can focus solely on their career advancement
• Balancing perfectionism with likability: Women who are confident and assertive are often seen as “too much” while men with the same traits are seen as leaders
• The need to be “on” at all times:To outperform, to navigate workplace politics, and to prove oneself repeatedly leads to high levels of burnout.

When women have to work twice as hard to get half as far, exhaustion becomes inevitable. Many talented women find themselves questioning if it’s worth it—if constantly striving for excellence in a system that rewards mediocrity is sustainable.

 What Needs to Change in Organisations?

While women can take steps to navigate the system, the real change needs to come from workplaces.

This International Women’s Day, let’s challenge the systems that allow mediocrity to thrive while exceptional women are forced to fight for their seat at the table. Let’s create a world where competence and confidence go hand in hand, and where women can take up space —unapologetically.

The reality is that the workplace isn’t a level playing field. But, there are strategies that women can use to shift the balance in their favour:

• Prioritise competence over confidence in hiring and promotions to ensure true meritocracy.
• Challenge gendered biases that label ambitious women as difficult or unlikable.
• Commit to structured sponsorship and leadership development programmes that elevate and support women.
• Evaluate promotions, performance reviews, and opportunities through a gender-equity lens to prevent undue barriers for women.
• Encourage women to set clear boundaries, ensuring they are not burdened with unpaid emotional labour or unrealistic expectations.
• Hold leadership accountable for fostering a high-performance culture where excellence is recognised and rewarded.

 5 Ways Women Can Take Up Spaces

1. Own It, Loud and Proud – Your success isn’t luck or a team effort—it’s YOU. Stop downplaying and start owning every win.
2. Take the Leap – Go for the role, demand the salary, step into leadership—even before you feel “ready.” Spoiler: You already are.
3. Be Seen, Be Heard – Get in the rooms that matter, build real connections, and secure sponsors who champion your greatness.
4. Call It Out – Bias thrives in silence. If a man gets praised for what a woman is criticised for, speak up and shift the narrative.
5. Keep Moving – Disappointment is temporary, but your impact is lasting. Your work is never wasted!

Let’s move beyond celebration. Let’s demand structural change that accelerates women—so, they are recognised, supported, and fairly rewarded.

High-Achieving Women Are Burning Out In Silence

Not because we’re weak — but because we’ve normalised pushing past the edge. We know how to deliver. How to lead. How to show up — even when we’re running on empty. But do we know how to rest? Do we know how to receive care instead of constantly offering it?

I’ve spent years supporting women who are exhausted by being both invisible and hyper-visible. Women who are tired of surviving. Women who crave softness and strength at the same time. So I created The Rest Rebellion

A 6-week therapeutic group for high-achieving women who are ready to:

✅ Reclaim rest as their birthright

✅ Heal from emotional exhaustion and microaggressions

✅ Set boundaries without guilt

✅ Reconnect with joy, pleasure, and purpose

✅ Move from coping to thriving

This is not self-care as a trend. It’s self-reclamation as a radical act.

The Rest Rebellion begins this June. Early bird rate closes 7 May 2025. Accessible tiered pricing. No therapy experience required.Ready to come home to yourself? Register here

Let’s make rest the revolution